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I rewatched The Phantom Menace (I know) for the first time since 1999 last night, and I am absolutely OBSESSED with Qui-Gon Jinn’s desert poncho outfit:
Qui-Gon may have crash landed on Tatooine, but the desert heat isn’t going to stop him from love laugh living his best life and ordering some pumpkin spice space juice from the local cantina. Dress for the emergency evacuation from Naboo that you want, not the one you have!
And is he wearing... the Chanel boots? Yeah, he is.
I decided to continue my Space Fashion journey by rewatching Attack of the Clones (I KNOW), and the poncho reviews are in! Take a look:
Emergency evacuations are de rigueur when you’re Padmé Amidala, who has gotten herself a promotion to Space Senator and a set of matched luggage since the last time we fled with her. For this particular escort mission, Anakin has decided to keep Qui-Gon’s memory alive by wearing what appears to be the actual ghost of his desert poncho, right down to the Chanel boots. But wait—let’s take a closer look at this haunting little number:
What is this mess?! Anakin has spent the first 16 hours of the movie telling literally anyone who will listen that he wants to bone Padmé, so you’d expect him to be on his A-game around a woman whose headdresses require a literal forklift to put on. Nope! Instead, he’s wearing what appears to be a gently used coffee filter, complete with miscellaneous brown stains. Grounds for dismissal, Ani! The double cravat is an interesting accessory, but it looks like he had to skin a Megabus seat to make it.
Not to be outdone, Padmé has a poncho of her own tucked away in one of those checked bags. This is more of a “party in the front” kind of getup. Look at those streamers! Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, a thousand piñatas look up to the stars and cry out in anguish.
In all seriousness, though, this is a very fashion forward look. Padmé has a hunch that Star Wars will eventually become a Disney property, and this is the perfect transitional muumuu for a gated community in Orlando. Let’s just hope that she isn’t killed by lazy writing in the next movie!
advice to future authors: if your opening line isnt as strong as this one then why even bother
